For 5 years, I have silently felt the weight and guilt of my daughter’s condition. I wondered, at times, if God was punishing me and making her suffer as a result.
I wondered if God was using this as a big lesson to put me in my place. I didn’t feel these things all the time, but they were nagging thoughts that came and went. I wondered also, what I had done to cause this. Was it something I did during pregnancy? Did I sleep too close to the Wifi router at night? Was it because I had an ultrasound and she was harmed by the radiation? I pushed the thoughts down because I knew God had a plan, and the bible tells us to be thankful in ALL circumstances. A lot of good had come from my daughter’s condition. We met so many people. Other children are being helped through seeing the dietary protocol that worked miraculously well for her. People close to us have come to the Lord.
Wonderful things that would have never happened were it not for her journey.
But this nagging feeling persisted. This was my fault somehow. I’m her mother, I must have caused this.
When my third son, suffering from severe eczema, was having a rough couple of days, I picked up my book “Praying the Scriptures for Your Children” and opened to the health chapter.
My heart so hurt for his suffering, and I again felt the weight of blaming myself. In the book, another mother’s story is detailed, and a scripture that took her guilt away once and for all.
“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” John 9:1-3 NIV
I clung to the words as I read, “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind”. I was so anxious to know who was to blame. Was it me? Was it her? It couldn’t be her, she’s only a child. Surely Jesus would blame the parents, right?
The weight of the oppression in my heart shattered as I read, “Neither this man or his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him”.
This guilt I had been carrying for years melted away in an instant. I felt so much hope. God didn’t do this to my daughter, but he is going to show his glory and mercy through her. Others will be saved and healed through her journey because of him. Same for my son.
Scripture is the living word of God. It can heal our hearts from things we have held onto for years, even decades or for a lifetime. God knew I needed to be set free, and he led me to those words so I could let go of the guilt. The Bible is such a huge book, each sentence full of so much wisdom to unpack.
This was the exact scripture I needed on that day, and I have been set free ever since. Those coming-and-going thoughts are all gone. I feel the peace that surpasses all understanding around my children’s health because I know God is working through them to glorify Himself.
I hope this reaches another who needs to be set free. God bless you.